Thinking of You

A Memoir of a Girl’s Crush, a Teacher’s Grooming, a Forbidden Love and the Journey to Reclaim My Voice 

Mary Beth Runnoe was only eleven when she met Mr. Davis—the charming and worshipful young choir teacher who would hold her in thrall for decades.

In prose as resolute as it is haunting, Runnoe explores what it felt like to be groomed by an older man as the focus of Davis’ inappropriate, yet strongly appealing, attentions and favor. As she was drawn deeper and deeper into his web, her life turned upside down. She became the keeper of his secrets and his closest confidante, carried along amidst the exhilarating expectation that she was somehow more than just a child with a crush on a teacher, and that God himself looked with favor upon their relationship. 

Today, Runnoe is about the same age as was Mr. Davis when their compelling and inappropriate relationship began. She finds herself looking back on Mr. Davis’ influence over the very course of her life—the notes and letters he wrote, the gestures he made, the memories long-buried, the traps she was unable to avoid—to reflect upon the meaning of innocence and faith, and to come to terms with the experience of this older man’s attentions and its effect on her development as a woman and an adult.

Thinking of You is a story about grooming, the delicacy of power, and the effects of its influence on the powerless. It is a story about reclaiming, repainting, and retelling. And, though it is specifically Runnoe’s story, she knows her life experience has not been unique. By sharing her journey, she hopes to help others find their voices and their peace as well.

What Readers are Saying:

"Through beautiful prose and complex memories, Mary Beth tells you the story of her former choir director who slowly became something more parasitic. This book is for anyone who has thought to themselves, “Wait, that interaction was weird - am I reading into this or was that gut reaction reality?” Women so often dismiss themselves. This story is a reclamation.” —Hannah I. 

“This book is for the survivors, the silent sufferers, and anyone brave enough to confront the uncomfortable truths that exist in our schools, our institutions, and our lives. It’s a wake-up call, a testament to resilience, and a deeply human story of reclaiming one’s voice.” —Laura R.

“From the very first page, this book captured me in a way no other book has. It felt like Mary Beth was having a personal conversation with me . . . The short chapters made the book so engaging- I finished it in one day!” —Emma W.

“Mary Beth writes in the way I think we all process our trauma: memories blurred, self-imposed gaslighting, blinking red lights, and the gut wrenching start, stop, rewind when others question our narcissistic groomers . . . Her story validated and healed me as she fights to let go of her past, while also protecting her future.” —Calliope P.